Relationships are a place that we go to give and share.  It is so important that you inspire your child  to fill themselves up with all the goodies:  like love, respect, trust, patience & forgiveness and more, so that they can give and share themselves with others.  If they aren’t continually giving themselves these things, they won’t be able to give these to others on a consistent basis.  You might be reading this and saying, but they are only a child.  By starting at a young age, you are helping them to believe that they are more then enough, before limiting beliefs of their self worth start creeping in.  You are also teaching them to recognize that they are already Shining in different ways!

I recently watched the movie, “The Help.” Actually, I watched it a couple of times, as I really loved it!  I don’t know if you saw it, but in the movie there was a woman named Aibileen who is a maid, a wise, regal woman raising her 17th  child.  She is devoted to the little girl she looks after, though she knows both their hearts may be broken.  She says to the little girl on a regular basis, “You is Kind, You is Smart, You is important!” The little girl continually repeats it back to her.  Near the end of the movie the little girl could recite what she had told her all by herself.  How beautiful is that, for your child to continually hear things like this?  Children are like sponges, and soak up everything that we do and say.

Make up or use affirmations that your child can easily say and start to remember.  By introducing your child to affirmations, it will help them to feel that they are Enough!  Personalize them for each of your children depending on their age, their level of vocabulary and their unique qualities.  Here are some:

I love myself.

I am happy.

I am filled with joy.

I am kind.

I am smart.

I am important.

I am loving and share myself with others.

I am loveable.

I am blessed.

God loves me and I love him.

I am safe.

I love my mom, my dad, my sisters, brothers, etc. {tailor it to them}

I am grateful for _____. {Each day have them name something different}

I can do ______. {If they are learning to tie their shoes, etc. have them repeat, this one}

I am kind to others and they are kind to me.

I am helpful.

I am a good listener.

I am a sharing girl/boy.

I play well with others.

I love eating things that are good for me.

I love my body.

Write each one out on an index card, get the bigger ones.  Write in black magic marker large enough for them to see.  Make a game out of it every morning, by turning them over so that they can’t see which one they are choosing. Then have them say that one and give them examples of how they can be more like that.  As they get older ask them how they can be that way more so.  At the end of the day, before they go to bed, ask them how they were like that in their day.  If the affirmation that they chose was, “I am kind to others and they are kind to me.”  Ask them for examples of this.

If your child is old enough to write them by themselves, have them do so. For a teenager, do yours with them.  That will encourage them to see that you are doing it as well.  It is so important for not only your child or teen to use affirmations and to get into the feeling each of them, but also for you to reaffirm to them the affirmations.  For example, if your child affirms they are kind, look for ways that you see that they are being kind and praise them for it.

In the final analysis it is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings. ~ Ann Landers

One of the biggest fears of human beings is feeling like they are not enough.  Most of us, have experienced for the first time as a child and at different times in our lives.  I remember working really hard for a B+ in Chemistry in high school and my father said, well maybe next time you will get an A.  I felt like I was not enough and went through that during different intervals in my life.  It wasn’t until I realized that I am more then enough over the past decade or so.  The more a child gives themselves love, compassion, patience and forgiveness that they need and deserve, the more they will grow up to feel like they are enough.  It is so important for them to go to the different kinds of relationships in their life being able to give of themselves.  This alleviates, finding themselves in a relationship where they are always feeling empty or not worthy of the other person.  When grow to be their own support system, they won’t have to go to a relationship being needy and a taker.

Not only, is it great to have your child do affirmations, it is important for them to have gratitude.  If you drive your kids to daycare or to school, play a game in the car where everyone takes a turn and says what they are grateful for.  Also, setting an example for them in saying: please, thank you and I am sorry is so vital.  Children are like sponges and soak up everything that we do and say.  Whatever you are teaching your child, you & your spouse should be doing yourselves. How you treat yourself and others is equally as important.  You want to be kind and compassionate to others.  Also, making yourself  a priority rather then an option, sends your child a strong message, that in order to give and share with others, we must first take care of ourselves.  As your child sees you doing so they will be inclined to do the same.  Think of it in this way, whatever you do is going to be modeled!

via 40+ and Fabulous

Most of all, make sure your child is hearing your loving voice. Make them feel that they are special, that you value them. Let them know in your actions, that they are significant in your life. Enjoy them, love them and help them to grow and be the ‘BEST’ that they can be! Trust me, they grow up very quickly. Don’t be afraid to tell your child that you were wrong about something. Letting them know that you aren’t perfect, helps them to realize that they don’t have to be, as well. 

A special thank you to our guest writer – Gina Parris. Learn more about Gina at the end of this wonderful article.

Let’s face it. Stress is not sexy. It is insidious.

Stress makes you sick, makes you tired, dumbs you down and gives you a negative perspective on life.

According to the American Center for Disease Control, stress is at the root of 90% of sicknesses.

According to well known cellular biologist, Dr. Bruce Lipton, that number is even higher. Dr. Lipton names unresolved stress as the root cause of 95% of sicknesses.

That is good news and bad news.

The bad news is that our modern cultures are ripe with stressors.

The good news is that we can take steps to alleviate stress – in our bodies, in our homes and in our love life. We start to do this when we R.E.L.A.X.

Please, take a deep breath right now and as you exhale slowly, relax, relax, relax! Most of the things you are worrying about will not matter one bit 10 years from now, so focus on what will – your LOVE!

Here are five more keys to relaxing into less stress and more love for a sexy marriage.

R – Reschedule your time:

Make time for each other. Schedule time to connect – intimately. Would you believe the happiest couples even schedule time for sex? That sounds terribly un-romantic, but romance is made of all the stuff you do during and around your scheduled loving!

E- Exercise Together:

Exercise is one of the great mood-boosters and stress relievers (even though it often doesn’t sound like the most appealing activity.) Choose something you and your mate can do together, like a walk after dinner – or better yet, the Thrive90 program that we endorse for busy couples. Even if you exercise apart from each other, you will find yourself able to handle distressing situations with more calmness. That is sexy, as is getting physically stronger!

L – Laugh together

Laughter releases even more endorphins and frankly, laughing is easier than exercise. One study revealed that couples who watched a funny movie together were much more likely to have sex afterwards than those who watched a serious drama. So there’s one stress reliever leading right into a love booster! Lighten up and laugh.

A – Ask for What You Need:

So often we get stressed because we are overwhelmed with too much to do, and we think our spouse should be able to read our mind or know what we need.

When that happens we find ourselves complaining – either to ourselves, our friends or our mate. Ultimately – complaining is a form of cursing your situation. Yikes! Instead look at everything that is good about your situation, and communicate how it can become even better. Ask for help. And then – listen when your mate asks for help as well.

X – X-pect a Positive Outcome

Sure, I know that the word, “expect” doesn’t really start with “X” but the point is so good, I had to include it! When we move from dread to faith – we are able to see real transformation. We act so much nicer when we EXPECT goodness from those around us. Anxiety leaves the cells of our body, when we switch our focus.

Here’s an idea to put it all together:

Schedule some exercise, like a walk where you recall funny stories and ask each other what would make for a perfect week. Then start visualizing how that will feel when it has happened. Then just start speaking blessings over that vision.

“I am so happy and thankful that good things are on the way. I’m thankful that we are together and I’m thankful that we have a sexy, happy marriage. I’m thankful that the plan of God is coming to pass in everything we put our hand to. We are blessed to be a blessing…!”

Once you start, you won’t want to quit and you are literally changing your body’s chemistry to be healthier and happier. In that state of mind, one idea from Heaven can change everything –from your finances to your destiny!

The point is that stress is internal and so is Divine rest. In that place the lovin’ is supernatural!

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Gina Parris is a speaker, performance coach, love expert and champion for the sexy marriage. She is dedicated to helping people heal their sexual and relational issues. Gina combines the best of sports psychology, energy therapy and Biblical promises for a love life that sizzles.

Get her FREE audio program: Secrets To Really Great Sex Tonight – even if you’re NOT in the mood at www.WinningAtRomance.com 

Warning: The following article will offend some couples and change the lives of others. 

There is a certain question that comes up again and again from many working moms.

“How do I get my husband to support me in my business?”

What they’re asking is, “How can I get him to meet my need for encouragement and help so I can do this more confidently?” 

They want to feel built up. Loved. Believed in.  Then armed with confidence, the marketplace is not such a big bad world.

Guess what? Your husband needs the same thing: he wants to feel built up,  admired, believed in, confident. When he gets all that at home, then the job he goes to so he can provide for you, is not so bad. However, too often as working moms, it is easy to give our husband not what he needs, but what we have left over.

He gets the energy we have after…

We’ve taken care of the kids, the house, the business, the clients, the PTA, the church and a dozen other things. Not only that – many women don’t put in time for themselves in the mix and so there is a simmering resentment and exhaustion.   There is a way to turn that around so he becomes not just supportive – but  becomes your raving fan.

How?

Drumroll please….

LOVE HIM SEXUALLY!

What? I can hear the exhausted protests. “That’s all he thinks about,” you say. Perhaps but that’s because he is not wired like you are. Besides, when did it come to this anyway? When did our place of pleasure and delight turn into another chore?

You want his support, right? All I know is, turning this area around in my house, changed my marriage, my life AND my business. Why?

Of course it is not always true, but for most men – nothing makes him feel more secure, more confident, more motivated to support you, than being embraced sexually.  You may feel that you need a deep emotional connection before you ever open up physically  –but your husband may be just the opposite. When he has that sexual connection – his heart is opened up to you.  He feels significant – especially (only?) when you enjoy yourself with him. He truly wants to bring you pleasure and know that he matters to you.

Five ways to love him sexually:

1. Let him know you find him attractive. 

If you don’t currently find him attractive – than this may be a matter of focus. Perhaps you’ve been too busy to really see him. What are you telling yourself about him? Do you mutter to yourself what a pig he is, how dumb he is for not understanding your entrepreneurial drive? Do you focus on his flaws – or on his good qualities?  

Try for just today to focus on what you LIKE about your man and let him know – especially when you can include his physical attributes. 

2. Heat up your own Fidelity Fantasies.  

It’s true that your biggest sex organ is not between your legs it is between your ears. Let yourself relax enough to remember the best sex you two have ever had together. Look at travel catalogues and imagine places you would love to be doing it. Share with him  When you talk about those experiences and desires to your spouse, it makes him happy to think that you are thinking of him.

3. Make your marriage intimacy a priority – schedule time on the calendar that is yours alone and make it a special event.

Keep in mind that Sexual intimacy is a little bit like dining options: Sometimes you will go al out and create a true 5 star experience – special meals, a night away, candlelight, extravagance – the works. Other times, it will be like a decent  sit down restaurant – pleasant, familiar, and nourishing, and other times it will be more like fast food. But guess what? There is still value in that. In fact – even in a “quicky” as you orgasm, your body is flooded with oxytocin – the hormone that bonds people together emotionally. Both men and women bond to eachother as they enjoy this passion together.   

4. Revive the passionate kiss – outside of the bedroom.

When in the world did the “come-here-Baby” kiss turn into a lifeless peck – or worse – nothing? 

It’s been said that to a woman, foreplay is everything that happens in the 24 hours leading up to intimacy. To a man, its everything that happens 30 seconds before.  Okay, so that may be a bit extreme, but we truly will benefit by connecting on a physical level before being expected to swing from the chandeliers! 

So, tell your spouse that you miss the days that you used to connect. In fact tell him that studies show couples who kiss for 2 full minutes in the morning have a much more fulfilling sex life. Yes, it may feel contrived at first – but just like romance itself – the feelings usually come after an action. Kiss your man and then kiss him with passion – daily.

5. Build your own sexual confidence and awareness.

After the kids come and we wear so many hats, it is easy to feel like anything but a love kitten. What if we’ve gained weight? What if we have baby spit- up on us? What if we have all sorts of tasks looming over us from work? The great news is in spite of all of the above and more – you are powerful, sexy and beautiful – right now.  It’s really not even just all about him. You truly deserve to feel great and to find a place of sanctuary in your own love nest. When you nurture your sexual self – you release energy and clarity to handle all the other stuff more efficiently. Making love makes you more creative. It releases stress – and studies show that those couples with a happy sex life earn on average, 30% more than their unhappy counterparts.

It is to YOUR benefit to be sexually healthy and active!

If your mate knows you want his help around the house so you’ll have more energy for sex, he’ll usually find the means to help.  The beauty of building your intimate relationship is that it involves keys that build the entire relationship. Everybody longs for intimacy and deep connection.

So the next time you wonder how to get your husband’s support – ask yourself if you are supporting him. You’ll be amazed what rewards you can reap when you sow in love.

__________________________________

Gina Parris is a speaker, performance coach, love expert and champion for the sexy marriage. She is dedicated to helping people heal their sexual and relational issues. Gina combines the best of sports psychology, energy therapy and Biblical promises for a love life that sizzles.

Get her FREE audio program: Secrets To Really Great Sex Tonight – even if you’re NOT in the mood at www.WinningAtRomance.com 

Today we continue speaking about the 4C’s. What are the 4 C’s? They are simply Consistency, Communication, Clarity and Consequences. If you haven’t read the meaning of the first 3 be sure to go back on the site and read them and apply them. Today we focus on creating a road map for success for you and your family as well as co-workers or business partners with Consequences.

Let’s face it, everywhere we look there are rules and boundaries. In order to succeed in life in general we must be aware of such rules, and boundaries and if we falter we must accept the consequences. Unfortunately many parents make the mistake of not providing clear and concise rules and boundaries in their homes so the consequences are non-existent. In order to create a healthy and stable foundation in our family relationships, rules and boundaries must be communicated. Of course this process is not easy and one that must be addressed time and time again. But again, this is the foundation to the road map for success for you and your family.

Creating the rules and boundaries within reason will prepare everyone for the rules and boundaries they will encounter in the ‘real world’. From attending school to driving a vehicle to working your first ‘real’ job,  there are a set rules that must be followed. Preparing your children early on will create a happy and stable environment for them. It begins in the home from household chores to assigned bedtimes. The rules and boundaries will naturally differ for each and every individual but they must be in place.

Can you imagine living in a world without rules and boundaries? It would be complete chaos with nothing being truly accomplished. Sure it may be fun at first, no rules or regulations, no assigned bedtime or time to report to work or deadlines for projects or paying our bills. But honestly how long  can that truly last and would be be successful and happy in the process? Ultimately, in order for us all to succeed and achieve a happy and balanced life, the existence of rules and boundaries must be available and with those consequences must also exist.

Once the consequences are enforced, whether it is a pink slip at work, or a dock in pay or taking away of a favorite toy; these actions truly work. Are they fun? Absolutely not! Are they essential? A resounding YES!!!

Let’s prepare not only ourselves for greatness and ensure we are on the road for success with clear and concise rules and boundaries and consequences if they are broken but let’s prepare our children, family members and business associates  as well. It’s natural and it works!

Continuing in the discussion of the 4C’s today’s C is Clarity.

It’s not about how clear you see or speak but it is how clear your message is. In order to get what you want or to be understood it is important to use the language and words that others will comprehend. How often have you spoken to your teen and received the deer caught in the headlight look? Perhaps you receive a stare that shows some form of confusion from your co-worker or worse yet, you receive the nod of affirmation when you know they are simply not listening. In their heads they hear Charlie Brown’s mom every time you open your mouth and I’m sure that’s not the response you desire.

Have you thought of the way you are requesting or better yet the words you are using? Many times our message does not get across or is clearer understood because of the words we have chosen. When we are speaking to children it is best to use the words they will understand; speak at their level. In your profession it is important to use this same concept of speaking at the level of your peers.

Stop trying to impress others with the words you are using. Remember if you want to get your point across, take into consideration the people you are addressing. When you do this, you will quickly notice your children, teens, spouse, friends and co-workers will be attentive and gladly converse with you. Isn’t that what you truly long for anyway?

If you want your teen to do a certain task, remember their hormones are likely raging and confusing them so be sure to use the words they will understand. This is rather tricky and at times quite enjoyable. Want to really confuse them? Use words that will require the use of a dictionary or thesaurus but if you really want to get them to be attentive to your needs, be aware.

Be attentive, aware and use words they will understand, it’s as easy as that. Clarity begins with you and your choice of words. 

Achieving the balance we are all seeking in our relationships can be accomplished with the 4C’s. The first C is consistency and to learn more about that one be sure to visit my last post: Achieving Balance with Consistency. Today we will discuss the second C which is communication. This one is a biggie and not only because it is important to communicate but because many of us are doing only one part of communication and missing the second part.

The first part of communication everyone knows or at least should know involves speaking. In order for others to understand or comprehend our feelings, emotions or why we behave the way we do, we must be able to communicate with words. Sure there are other ways to communicate such as with our eyes and body language but speaking will get the message across much quicker. However, the second part which is perhaps the most important part of communication is listening. Yes, you read that correctly – listening.

Our goal in any relationship whether it is between friends, parent and child, or spouses is to get the other person to open up and share their thoughts and feelings. All too often we are so busy talking or directing that we neglect to listen. How will we achieve the task of them opening up if we don’t stop talking and purely listen? Sure you may have heard the story a million times or perhaps they are not making any sense whatsoever, we must still practice our patience skills and truly listen. Interact with the other person, repeat what they have said and nodding all are ways to show the other person that we are interested in what they have to say.

Listening is extremely important in parenting. We as parents all want our children especially teens, to open up to us. If you practice the listening part you will enhance this relationship and achieve the balance you are seeking. If you can sense turmoil or issues that can easily be noticed in their body language it is time to ask questions. Refrain from the lecturing and the offering of advise. Many times our children, teens, and spouses simply need someone there that will listen.

Listening is important in all relationships. When we take the time to stop talking and truly listen you will be amazed at how much you will learn from your partner, friend, family member and child. Let’s practice the following: We were given one mouth and two ears..perhaps we should practice using our ears twice as much as our mouths. Then and only then will be closer to achieving some balance in our relationships.

Do you ever hear this: ‘so that’s what you look like’ or ‘do I need to make an appointment with you?’ or ‘perhaps I should send you an email’  If you have, those are sure signs that something is going wrong. But, it’s also a good sign.  How so? Because at least there is some form of communication occurring.  What would be worse is the non-verbal treatment.

Communication is essential in any relationship.  How else will you know what the other person is feeling or thinking? No matter how well you think you know the other person, you can not possibly read their mind, so don’t bother trying.  Verbal communication is best, but yes, in this world of high-technology an email or text will work just as well.

So, if you’ve heard those phrases mentioned above or even if you haven’t.  Perhaps you have noticed a mood change or some alienation occurring, chances are – there is something definitely wrong.  To keep this from happening it is imperative to spend time with your significant other.  It can be as simple as going out for a walk, if it’s not thundering or snowing or 100% humidity.  In any case, as long as you make an effort to spend some quality time with this person, you will avoid any further issues.

Consider a date night or date lunch or simply a date.  Shopping or eating doesn’t necessarily have to be involved to call it a ‘date’.  Strolling in the mall and ‘window shopping’ is always fun.  Or perhaps you are the ‘fitness type’ and would rather exercise together, that will work just as well.

The point is that you MUST make time for each other.  Please don’t ever use the excuse that we have children or worse yet, that we don’t have time.  If you have children, have friends, or a family member watch them for an hour or two or even just 30 minutes.  Too often I have seen relationships go sour, because they used their children as ‘scape goats’.  Develop that friendship again.  Spend quality time together.  Your children, if you have any, will notice and that is also important.

So, what will you do to spend time with your significant other?  Surprise them with a picnic in the back yard, or meet up for coffee at near by cafe, whatever you decide, please do it today!

Yes, I wrote it…breaking the routine. Don’t get me wrong, I believe routines are great and we all have routines.

Your routine may be going to bed at a certain time each night, brushing your teeth a certain way, grocery shopping at the same store and perhaps cutting your hair the same way for years.

Do you find yourself following the same routine in your marriage or family life? Routines can be detrimental as well.

It’s important to keep things interesting and fresh in any relationship and that includes your marriage and family.

Try doing simple things like leaving notes in your husband’s pocket or surprising him with a special meal or a lunch date. How about making a special treat for your children as a surprise or all going out for ice-cream.

Do the unexpected today and give your routines a rest..you will be surprised with the outcome.

Do you ever wonder if you are teaching your children correctly or simply following up on your responsibilities? That is a question that as a mom always arises. We are always worried that we may not be teaching them enough, preparing them enough, or simply not doing enough.

That question is answered for me on a daily basis and was clarified this past weekend. Our yearly graduation ceremony was held this past Friday where all the home educated children were acknowledged for their accomplishments with certificates and our high school graduates honored. Listening to each of the high school graduates put my mind at ease; well maybe just a little. I noticed that I was not alone with these feelings of wonderment and uneasiness. Listening in particular to the girls that would be graduating to another stage in their lives was reassuring because it gave me the much needed hope that I am doing the best I can as a mom. I thought I was crazy at first to have them help in the cooking and cleaning of the home and yes, even their rooms. But imagine my surprise when the graduating girls mentioned how it helped that their moms used the same rules in their homes and they were thankful.

Watching my oldest graduate last year was one of the most wonderful moments, beside giving birth to her. Now watching as she lives on her own and must budget her time between work and school and keep her place clean, gives me a great feeling that I must have done something right along the way. I must however, prepare for my second to graduate this coming year. Am I ready? Absolutely NOT! But will I accept it, I have no choice and will accept it with pride. First I must prepare him for a missions trip to Ecuador this summer. This trip will be part of the maturing process as was for my oldest when she visited Costa Rica for her mission trip. Visiting different countries and observing and participating in their cultural ways is a great experience. My son will also be participating in a mission journey in our own home town this summer as well. Teaching him to help others is something that has been instilled from birth and now he can use the tools we have provided to share with others.

So, if you should ever wonder if you are doing the right thing when it comes to rearing and bringing up your children. Stand in the shadows and watch your children at work. Watch as they interact with their siblings, with other children and adults. Well, perhaps disregard their actions with their siblings, unless they surprise you which mine do on a daily basis. But simply rest assured that you are doing the best that you can and if you need help, don’t be afraid to ask. There are many people simply waiting to help you in this magnificent journey of parenting.

Everyone knows that I enjoy writing and sharing tips regarding families and parenting. Today, let’s focus on relationships. Let’s face it without relationships we wouldn’t have families, friends, spouses, children, businesses, and the list can go on.

With that in mind, I ask you this: Are you not speaking to someone you love? Think back. It may have happened yesterday or even last month. Perhaps it occurred several years ago. It could have been something that was said or something that was done. It may involve your sibling, your parents or even your child. They may have said or done something that hurt you deeply. Communication has been lost and the angry feelings are still fresh. Or perhaps, it was you who said the words or did something hurtful. Consider calling that person today and ask for forgiveness.

You may have not been the one at fault, but do it anyway. Don’t explain your apology, just say it! Life is too short and we never know what will happen tomorrow. Use your words to heal someone today.