Yes, believe or not you can actually have Inner Peace while going through a break up or a divorce, with the right mindset. In order to do so, you may have to change your mindset a bit.  A lot of times, and I have seen this with my clients, they feel like they failed because their marriage is over.  It is not that they failed, but in fact a lot of times it is because of the natures of the 2 people involved were either never aligned or for one reason or another they are not now.  Sometimes, due to a death of a loved one that one of the partners may have had to experience or simply the fact that one of them has just grown so much more then the other one, that the natures are no longer remotely aligned.  A lot of times people change and are no longer needy like they might have been, but rather have soared to greater heights on their own.  A lot of times, a couple of grow apart and want different things for where they are at this time in their life.

Almost 11 years ago, when I decided to leave my 1st marriage after almost 23 years, I felt this sense of inner peace that I hadn’t felt in such a long time. I also realized at almost 44 years old, that I no longer needed my parents’ approval or anyone else’s for that matter but my own.  That was such an ‘AHA’ moment for me. Not only did I choose to get a divorce but I moved over 800 miles away right after 9/11 to a State where I knew maybe a couple of people as acquaintances. 

I felt so empowered and was ready to start my new journey. You see most of those 23 years I spent trying to please everybody, but myself. I had lost myself in trying to help my ex to be the best that he could be.  It is very sad when you think about it. My ex and I actually went through a mediator rather then each hire our own attorney. We had a home and quite a bit of investments, etc. but we settled very amicably.  So much in so, that we drove to the Court House together the morning of our divorce and that night before I was flying out to go back home in the morning, we took our sons out to dinner and to the Outlets shopping. Our boys were 16 and 20 at the time. You might be thinking as you read this, well that is not how mine is going or if I ever chose to get a divorce it won’t be that way.  I am going to share how you can have your break up or divorce not be the ugly way that you hear how so many others have had going through it.

Tips On How To Have The Right Mindset To Have Inner Peace During This Challenging Time:

Don’t Play The Blame Game:

First of all, not only do you not want to blame your partner, but you do not want to beat yourself up, as well. Own what you could or could not have done while you were together and then let it go. If you are having a hard time with letting, ask yourself, “Did I do the best I could in any given situation with what knowledge that I had?” More then likely, the answer will be. ‘Yes!’ Forgive yourself as well as your partner. If you are not ready to forgive them, here is an exercise that may help:

Either write out or just think about what you really would want to say to them if you could. Then just let it all out. Now and this is the important part, release it and them. Let them both go! You do not want to hold onto those negative feelings. Then write or say to yourself, “I forgive you. I wish you the very best.” Now if you feel that you owe them an apology and you are not ready to do that in person, you can use this technique to do it as well. Write or think about what you would say to them and then release it and let it go. At the end write or in your thoughts say, “I am sorry. Please forgive me.” Now doesn’t that feel better?

Becoming Your Own Support System:

By continually filling yourself up with love, joy, happiness, trust, respect, self-esteem, honor, worthiness and a Biggie; forgiveness you will become your own support system.

Have you ever had a friend or maybe you have done it in the past where all that person did was talk about their soon to be ex. They couldn’t get past it. When you are your own support system because you have filled yourself with all of the other goodies, you can now go to your other relationships with your children, extended family and friends and have more to give and share of the ‘Best’ you. Whatever support that they give you will only enhance what you already have given to yourself.

Also, what you might find is that as you are growing you may have friends that are stuck in the past and want to keep you there with them. They may not understand why the break up or divorce isn’t shutting you down. You have to re-evaluate those relationships, as I did when I was going through mine.
I had a friend who wasn’t happy in her marriage for many years and she had an issue with me deciding that I was no longer going to stay in mine. She tried to drag me down, but when I moved out of State I also had to leave her behind & release her in my thoughts. It is very important that you surround yourself with like-minded people who want to help lift you higher instead of holding you down or back as you heal.

Living In The Now:  

One of the ways of continually filling yourself up is to ‘Live in the Now’! By living in the Now, you are not reliving the past and you are not just focused on the future. There are people who are so stuck in the past that they are just existing, you can’t grow when you are. On the other hand, there are people who live just for the future and they have their lives all planned out. Now it is okay to take the golden nuggets from the past and use them in the present to help you grow even more so. You may want to model your behavior in the past that got you the results that you are looking for. The rest of the past that no longer serves you should be released. As far as the future, it is a great thing to have a plan for your business or plan a trip that you have been wanting to take, etc., but don’t plan everything little detail in your life.

When you are living in the Now, everything will just fall into place how it is suppose to be. You will make decisions based on the present instead of the past or what you think might happen in the future. By living in the Now, it helps with a positive mindset because you aren’t bringing into your life, your partner did this to you thinking so they going to do it again, etc. You are living each moment with what is right in front of you. Your decisions will be better and easier to make and they will be the right choices for you for where you are in your Amazing journey called life.

Staying In The Now:

One of the best ways of staying in the Now is to meditate. It helps you to clear you mind and  to be aware of where you are at this very moment. It also helps you to be centered and at your core of peace. By writing in your journal every morning and writing out how you want your day to go, gives you not only the clarity but shifts your thinking to just that day. I suggest that my clients think of a ‘Theme’ word that they want to their day to be and make that their focus. If you want a day where you are prosperous, then you not only need to take effective action to make that happen, but you will also need to feed your subconscious prosperous thoughts and ones that are telling it that you already are.

Let Yourself Be:

When life gets busy and hectic, take 15 minutes to let yourself just ‘Be’ to go to your favorite environment and perhaps sip on your favorite beverage and just let your mind wander. Don’t think about all the things that you have to do or what might be going on, but rather bask in that very moment. By doing so, you start to rejuvenate yourself. If you work from home, this is even more vital to step away from your computer, your phone, etc. I do this at least a couple times a day if not more. I make myself my favorite tea and go on my front porch and just rock in my rocking chair. When you do go back to whatever it is that you are doing, you will  find yourself  ready to take on any new challenges that might come your way. I find that I get even more creative after doing so.

Also you might want to pray, meditate, do breathing exercises, yoga or whatever it is that helps you to get to that peaceful place inside of you. Writing in your journal, along with some of the other things I suggested above also  brings clarity and focus, not to mention a very peacefulness. I do all of these except for yoga everyday. When my day starts to slip away from me & get a bit overwhelming, I usually realize that I am missing not doing one or more of these and I immediately take the time to do so. Consider it your compass, and it will help you get to where you want to go without getting lost. You are truly Amazing and you need to start treating yourself that way.

As you go through your journey know that you deserve the very best that life has to offer you. Realize that you are more then Enough. Even if it is your partner or spouse who wants the split, there is nothing wrong with you. Most of the time, it isn’t about the other partner at all, but rather the person wanting to leave has grown and may just want different things. You are absolutely Amazing! Now, go out and create yourself and your life…there is a Big world waiting for you to tap into your true Magnificence and Step into your Greatness and Shine!!!

Most of us go to a relationship to give and share, but there are some people who end up taking more then they give. Which do you do? It’s so important to be able to be in a relationship of any kind, where you both pitch and catch with each other. Where one gives and the other receives graciously and vice versa. If you are finding yourself more of the taker…here are some steps to be able to give even more so of yourself to truly enhance your relationships.

Tips On How To Become More Of A Giver

Continually Fill Yourself Up:
In order to be able to give more, you have to first start with giving to yourself. If you are continually feeling empty and that you don’t have much more to give, start filling yourself up with all the goodies, as I call them. They consist of love, joy, honor, respect, self-esteem and a BIGGIE, forgiveness. By continually filling yourself up with these, you will be able to go to any of relationships and be able to give and share on a consistent basis and not feel drained and empty.

Listen Attentively:
When you are together with your partner, your child, a friend, etc. give them your undivided attention. If you only have a certain amount of time, go for a cup of coffee or an ice cream, etc. That is far better then if you had lunch with them and you are talking on the phone or texting while they are trying to spend time with you. Make them feel that they are important and that you really want to listen and hear what they are saying.

Make Them A Priority:
Treat them as if they are a priority rather then an option. Make them feel that they are a significant part of your life, by doing even little things. If you pack your child a lunch, write on their napkin that you are thinking of them and that you hope that they are having a great day. If your teen is going to be taking an exam, text him or her and let them know that you are thinking about them. Let them know that you are rooting for them!

Also, when your partner comes home from work, set some time aside to be able to spend even a few minutes with them. If you work from home, schedule your break for that time. Ask them about their day and find out what you might be able to do to help to make the rest of their day even better.

Express Your Feelings:
If you know that someone in your life is going through a difficult time, schedule some time where you can either talk on the phone or see them in person. Also, in between seeing them, text them sometime and ask them if they need anything or how are they doing, that makes the world of difference in someone’s life. With social media, there is a lot of ways you can let them know you are thinking about them. Writing on their wall even “Good morning, I hope that you are having a great day” lets them know that you care.

Be Supportive:  
Tell those that you have a relationship with, just how much they mean to you. Let them know that you really appreciate them. If they are trying to reach a goal, make sure you give them praise while they are trying to achieve it and not just when they reach it. It is amazing just how even the smallest of gestures or words can really impact someone’s day in a great way!

 If you find you are the giver in any of your relationships and the other person happens to be more of a taker then you might need to re-evaluate that particular relationship. Perhaps you might want to talk about your feelings with them and see where it goes.  Relationships should be rewarding and something that enhances those involved lives!

A few years ago, I was walking upstairs to gather laundry from around the house, while my husband was watching highlights of UFC fights on Spike T.V. As I glanced at the bloody fighters in the cage, I wrinkled my nose, and yelled, “Ewwww, that is so disgusting!” With equal disgust towards ME, my husband rolled his eyes and spoke some of the truest words I’ve ever heard,

“You know,” he reasoned, “If you understood it, you wouldn’t hate it!”

I walked out of the room with my laundry basket and wondered why I would even care to understand a sport that grossed me out. Several months later, a well-known fighter hired me as a mental coach, to help him win his next UFC fight. I was shocked by how smart and classy, kind and funny this guy was. He completely won my heart. I poured myself into understanding his sport, and sure enough, grew to love it.

That got me thinking… Sometimes I think that marriage is like a sport. When we don’t understand it, it can become unappealing. When we don’t understand our mate, they can strike us as down right disgusting! In fact sometimes we get so confused about the rules of engagement that we mistakenly think our spouse is the opponent!

Here are 4 keys to understanding your mate so you can L.O.V.E. them more. These are also called “How to Love an Unlovely Spouse”

1. Listen to what is on their heart and behind their actions. So often we decide what our mate is thinking based on what WE are thinking. This is a good way to become defensive or angrier. Instead, gently ask questions that help you see beneath the surface.

2. Observe without judgment. Nobody likes to feel criticized. When we can observe our loved ones compassionately and without passing judgment, we can offer grace, acceptance and the power to grow. Did you know that if you take on your mate’s posture, countenance and even breathing pattern, you can find yourself in tune with their emotions? Try it and see.

3. Visualize your self through your mate’s eyes. Would YOU want to be married to you? Ask yourself what part you are playing in any tension and just as a curious experiment – make a change. Decide what kind of person you want to be and then come to your spouse from your best self.

4. Express love in a way that means something to your mate. As Gary Chapman famously described in The Five Love Languages, not all of us give and receive love in the same way. You may feel that your actions surely display your love because you are speaking your own love language, but they may be meaningless to your mate. Basically the Love Languages are:

-Quality Time

-Acts of Service

-Verbal Affirmation

-Physical Touch

-Giving Gifts

There’s even a free quiz you and your family members can take over at 5LoveLanguages.com. I highly recommend it. The more you understand your mate’s love language the more you can connect in a way that is meaningful. Anger often turns into compassion then, and disgust can even be transformed into delight.

So there you go, L.O.V.E – Listen, Observe, Visualize, Express. You probably won’t see those tips outlined on ESPN, or SPIKE, but they’ll help you win at love and marriage, and achieve peak performance in the process. Now, I gotta go. Its time to practice my best rear naked choke hold. ( or was that buck naked…?  Anyway, have fun! I believe in you!      

Gina Parris  

P.S. – Have you checked out The Sexy Marriage Solution yet? Learn the same mindset techniques that I use with all my athlete clients, only on your most intimate performance to transform your sex life!

Try The Sexy Marriage Solution

Having the right mindset is so vital in having healthy relationships with not only others, but with yourself.  Not having the right mindset can definitely affect any of your relationships in a not so positive way.  If you have limiting beliefs of why would anybody love me, or when they get to know me, they won’t like me and leave and if you continue to focus on that, it will eventually happen.

When you don’t take time to fill yourself up with all the goodies, as I call them you won’t be able to give and share, as you will continually feel empty. As a result you will end up being needy and will be taking instead of being able to give and share.  It’s not that you would mean to be that way, but by not filling yourself up on a consistent basis with love,  joy,  happiness,  respect,  honor,  trust,  self-esteem and forgiveness you can’t give and share consistently.

Since people in healthy relationships go to give and share unless you change your mindset, yours definitely will not be. Two of the biggest fears of human beings is that we are not good enough and that we won’t be loved.  By stacking reasons why you are more than enough and why someone would love you helps when that little voice of self doubt tries to take over. By doing this, you will have so many positive things stacked that will outweigh the negative. Eventually,  you won’t be able to hear that little voice anymore. Your mindset is now in a much more positive place and you won’t be having doubts that you are not good enough. Not only that, but you will start to have healthy relationships. Here are some more  tips On having the right mindset.

4 Tips On Having The Right Mindset:

Don’t Assume:

Here’s an example: if you were in a past relationship and that person was unreliable and you never knew if they would be home on time. Now you are in a new relationship and they are very reliable. But one night they are late coming home from work and  you start assuming that they are starting to do what that other person used to do and you start jumping all over them, that night is not going to be a very good one. 

Gratitude:

Be grateful for where you are and for what you have in your life at this very moment. You may have a car that is old and want a new one but when you are grateful for that car, then the new one will come into your life. Something I am learning to master and it can be challenging at times, is to be grateful for the experience adversity has given to me. When you can do so, your life starts to go to that next Extraordinary level. Being grateful already puts your body, your energy and your thoughts in a great place. Thus, everything you do from that point on will be in a positive mindset.  When you are being grateful you can’t have fear at the same time, so staying in an attitude of gratitude is very important!

Also, getting very clear on what you want, helps!  Write out what you want and then focus on it.  Get into the feeling of how achieving or having whatever it is that you want will make you feel. Have gratitude for whatever it is, as if you already have it.  Hold onto that positive feeling and when that little voice of self doubt wants to tell you otherwise, you will have a hard time hearing it. As you are writing out what you want, remember to write down everyday why you appreciate your partner and then make sure that you tell or show them.  When your partner feels appreciated they will want to do more of those things!

Live in the Now:

By living in the Now, you are not reliving the past and you are not just focused on the future.  There are people who are so stuck in the past that  are just existing, you can’t grow when you are. On the other hand, there are people who live just for the future and they have their lives all planned out. It is okay to take the golden nuggets from the past and use them in the present to help you grow even more so. You may even want to model your behavior in the past that got you the results that you are looking for. The rest of the past that no longer serves you should be released.  As far as the future, it is a great thing to have a plan for your business or plan a trip that you have been wanting to take, etc., but don’t plan everything little detail in your life or you won’t be open to the other possibilities that it could go!

When you are living in the Now, everything will just fall into place how it is suppose to be. You will make decisions based on the present instead of the past or what you think might happen in the future. By living in the Now, it helps with a positive mindset because you aren’t bringing into your life, your partner did this to you thinking so they going to do it again, etc. You are living each moment with what is right in front of you. Your decisions will be better and easier to make and they will be the right choices for you for where you are in your Amazing journey called life.

Stay In The Now:

One of the best ways of staying in the Now is to meditate.  It helps you to clear your mind and to be aware of where you are at this very moment. It also helps you to be centered and at your core of peace.

Also, by writing in your journal every morning and writing out how you want your day to go, gives you not only the clarity but shifts your thinking to just that day. I suggest that my clients think of a word that they want to their day to be and make that their focus. If you want a day where you are prosperous, then you not only need to take effective action to make that happen, but you will also need to feed your subconscious prosperous thoughts and ones that are telling it that you already are.   Another suggestion for staying in the Now is, I find by  reading something inspirational  or motivational every morning it helps me to have that positive mindset right from the start.  Reading just even a page or two can really make a huge difference and by doing it throughout your day when you are taking a break,  helps to keep you there. 

Also, by allowing yourself to just ‘Be’ throughout the day, it helps to stay in the Now. As entrepreneurs, we get so busy with working on the computer, with our clients, etc. that it is very easy for the day to go zooming by. By taking those five minutes to just ‘Be’ at different intervals it keeps you where you need to be.

When you consistently are living in the Now and mastering your mindset,  you will start to have more of a balanced life in all five major components in your life:  financial, relational, emotional, physical, and spiritual that are all in harmony with each other. This is what I call being at your core of peace. Everything will start to flow like it is suppose to be in each of the areas of your life and you will now be living that Extraordinary Life that we all desire. I believe in you and am rooting for you!

Did you ever sit down and really think about everything that you want your partner to be? What your absolute ‘MUST Haves’ are. Whether you are already in a relationship or if you would like to be in one, if you haven’t done so this might be a great time to.  By getting clear on what qualities that you want your partner or potential partner to have, it really makes a big difference in growing your relationship.

It’s equally important for you to become your own ‘Must Haves.’  If you want your partner to be more honest, fun loving, affectionate, etc. ask yourself this, “Am I being and doing those things?” If you expect your partner to be honest, but you are not, then you need to re-evaluate this. By being more honest, your partner will appreciate your honesty and they may even start to model what you are doing. Go over not only your ‘Must Haves’ with your partner, but ask them what are theirs. In fact, when you have a heart to heart with him or her, you could tell them that you realized you need to be more of your own before you could expect them to be.

Also, when your are going over your partner’s ‘Must Haves’ you may want to  ask them to help coach you to become more of those and vice versa. It’s not a matter of becoming someone that you are not, but rather enhancing who you are so that you are both bringing the best ‘You’ into your relationship. If you are both not only working on becoming each others ‘MUST Haves’ as well as your own, it makes for a greater and an even more rewarding relationship. It takes it to that next Extraordinary Level. Recently, one of my clients who was working on not only becoming her ‘Must Haves’ but her partners as well, told me. “I love the person that I am becoming.”

Not long ago, I was going over my own ‘Must Have’ list for my marriage, and one of them was having my husband be more affectionate, it was in that very moment that I realized that I didn’t have a broken arm. There was so reason why I could show more affection. So I did and what a difference it has made, so much that at times, I tease him and say, okay, okay stay over there I have work to do, lol.

For those of you, who are looking to have a relationship, make sure that you get really clear on what you want before the stars & rockets go shooting off and you find that you are back in the same kind of relationship that you may have just left. Get clear on your ideal ‘Must Haves’ and there again, make sure that you are being those as well. For when you do, then it is much easier to attract the kind of partner that you have already become.

Oh well. Truth is, the headlines about “How to Drive Him Wild in Bed,” can be downright irrelevant compared to “Back to School Simplified.” 

Does that mean that I am bored with sex? No. Never. (Well, never once I get started.)

However, a recent study revealed that 81% of women would rather have a massage than sex. This is understandable, since a massage feels great without any work on a woman’s part. On the other hand, psyching ourselves up to get all hot and bothered can require mental focus and a block of time that may seem too scarce.

So is sexual intimacy really about the sex or the intimacy?

Yes.

It is about both. It’s about connecting sexually, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is also about the intimacy that this can require or bring about.

Ultimately husbands and wives want the same thing:

Meaningful connection.

As a sweeping generalization, men find sexual intimacy to be incredibly bonding.  When his wife opens up to him completely, and finds great pleasure from him, a husband feels significant, important, loved and connected.  There is nothing more powerful inside a committed relationship than a powerful love life and all of the elements that make it so.

Under this same sweeping generalization, women need to be wooed a bit romantically, emotionally before they are ready to open up sexually. If her husband has not ever learned to understand her, or made pleasing her a priority, than she will often not be in the mood to rock his world.

What’s the answer to making love that’s better than it’s ever been -especially when we’d just as soon eat cake?

Hmmmm.

The solution to better loving, is LOVE.

Sorry to be so simplistic.

Here’s what love does:

It puts aside unselfishness to please the other.

Here’s the great thing about doing that sexually: IT FEELS GOOD!

Not only that, but oxytocin, the bonding hormone is released upon orgasm. That means you just feel closer emotionally. That is a builder of passion and connection.

Husbands – love your wives! Slow down, tell her she is beautiful and take some stress off of her.

Wives, make time for your beloved husband. Love him in a way that makes him feel great about himself. Nothing does this better than seeing you revel in the pleasure he brings you.

It’s true that we must put time and energy and even money into growing our business success. Sometimes in all our attempts to work harder and dream bigger we are tempted to let go of the relationship foundations that brought us our dreams in the first place.  As entrepreneurs, working-at-home, fielding phone calls and answering emails…it can all get away from us.  Then as success starts building it’s even tougher to stick to our priorities sometimes. What came first, before business growth and big dreams was our relationships with ourselves and those who will be with us through every up and down.  What I work every day to remember is that success and business growth aren’t worth anything if I lose my relationship with myself or with those I love most.

Do these foundation-building exercises first, to be strong for entrepreneur success

Reconnect with yourself first. The healthiest way to boost not only our productivity but also our peace is to take frequent breaks. Work in a focused manner for 45 minutes to an hour then take a 5-10 minute break. Even the smartest among us can’t work steadily for 8-10 hours without a sanity and health break!  This is something I have to be very conscious of, setting a timer and planning my breaks so I don’t skip past them when I get deep into a creative project.  Here is my take-a-break plan:

• Take a break every hour

• Breath, drink a cup of tea

• Reconnect with our ‘why’

• Refocus on the next task thoroughly and repeat this next affirmation

• My worth is in who I am and what I do shares this with the world.’

Reconnect with your first loves, first…  Have you heard of the term ‘work husband’ or ‘work wife’? Isn’t this a sad term? To be closer to those we work with instead of those we’ve chosen to spend our lives with is, I think a bad choice all around. Sometimes it seems easier to share our most treasured dreams with people who are not our most treasured relationships.  The thrill of like minds connecting over a thrilling project or exciting work success can sweep us away.  To keep our focus on the people we’ve started with and who we want to celebrate our success with AND those for whom all this is for…use some of these tools:

• Call your spouse, don’t just email or text…take a moment to connect voice to voice…a couple times each day. Make this a loving call, not just a ‘practical’ call!

• Leave a note in your kids lunch or put a sticky note on their mirror or run out to the back-yard to throw a few during a break in your afternoon….just be with them even in the middle of your busy entrepreneur day!

• Create a journal with your spouse or partner. You take it one day, they take it with them to work the next. Throughout the day, maybe when you take your 5 minute breaks or over your lunch break, write down what you love most about them right now!

These ‘reconnect with those you love’ exercises also serve to reconnect you with the reason you are in business in the first place! Very few of us are in business to ‘just’ get lots of money. We want to build a better life for those we love, right? Staying connected to them and putting relationships at the top of our priorities in a real way all throughout our days helps us remember!

Reconnect with our health It’s one of the first things we’re tempted to give up when we get busy and even busier. Either we eat junk food on the run between phone calls and appointments or we just forget to eat altogether! And forget getting good sleep or exercising right? Who has time for all that.Well, we must make time for these reconnections. No matter how busy or successful we get if we lose our wellness in the process all our success won’t mean much. And we’ll lose our ability to serve our First Two FIRSTS … reconnecting with ourselves and those we truly love.When I get caught up in busy-ness I know it’s time to take my exercise break. This is a FIRST priority for me. Unless my body is strong, my mind cannot be strong or creative or productive for my business. In fact, I’ve noticed a direct relationship between how healthy I am and how productive I am! Daily exercise puts me back in my day in a major way and fuels my business success too.

Here are two every day FIRSTS I’d recommend to boost your relationship foundation even as you grow in your business

• Every time you take a break spend at least five of those minutes running up and down the stairs or walking around the house or just doing some gentle stretching. If we did this every hour over a 10 hour day we’ll have moved a good 50 minutes!  

• Learn to listen to your body. Recently I noticed that a headache was creeping up on me. Instead of trying to force myself to keep going anyway I delegated some extra tasks and laid down for a nap. This isn’t something I do every day but I know that if I hadn’t taken a bit of an extra break in my day I could have ended up with an out-of-control migraine that would have completely disrupted my business AND my relationships!

Whether we are building a second business, a side business or creating the next BIG thing we can’t afford to let our deepest relationships get shaky.  And the only way to be sure that while we get busier and build more success that we’ll also be stronger is to make our relationship with ourselves the strongest thing in our lives.  After that reconnecting and prioritizing our relationships with our spouse or other loved ones helps us stay balanced.  The idea that these relationships could be weakened when we get busy with our entrepreneur projects doesn’t have to be true when we take steps to grow and strengthen them!  Lastly, exercise and good food are ways we can love ourselves and make sure that our physical selves will back us up when those big deals come along.

When you start treating yourself like you do your loved ones and make You a priority rather then an option, life will not only get Amazing, but you will  be continually filling yourself up and can then have even more to give and share of the “Best’ You. Somewhere along the line, you have started treating yourself as an option instead of a priority. It is a limiting belief to feel that it is selfish and that perhaps you aren’t worthy of loving yourself for whatever reason. It may be that you don’t think you are good enough. Well, God doesn’t make ‘Junk’ and he thinks you are worthy of being loved unconditionally. Look at the love that he has bestowed upon you! 

Tips To Keep Yourself Filled Up Continually

Shower Yourself with love, praise and kindness: 

No, I don’t mean that kind of shower, which reminds me I need to take one, lol. Shower yourself with love, praise, kindness, honor, respect, trust, and yes, here’s aBIGGIE…forgiveness. When you can truly start doing these consistently, your life and your relationships will take on a whole other meaning. It is okay to give yourself praise, I will say sometimes to my husband, “I am very proud of myself, for whatever it may be.”  Guess what, my husband has started to praise me, as well. I am not saying to be full of yourself, but giving yourself the acknowledgment of doing something well is very vital. When you do so, you are more likely going to have even more things that you may attempt to do, because of that. You have to be your own support system. It is nice to get it from others, but when you fill yourself up with everything you need, you now are in a place to start really giving and sharing the Best you!

Treat Yourself  The Way You Treat Others:

When you start treating yourself as a priority rather then as an option…others will start to do so. Think of all the things that you do for those that you love. Don’t you think that you,too should get those kindnesses as well from yourself? In order to be able to continually be able to give love, kindness, affection, trust, respect, forgiveness…you have to 1st start to be able to receive them from yourself. If you don’t feel you are worthy of them, then how do you expect others to give them to you?  When others see the difference in how you are treating yourself, they will start to do so, as well. The beauty of all of this is, that now you will have even more to give and share of yourself and thus, your relationships will begin to grow and flourish even more so and so will You.

Learn to Let Yourself Be: 

When life gets busy and hectic, take 5 minutes to go to your favorite environment and perhaps sip on your favorite beverage and just let your mind wander. Don’t think about all the things that you have to do, but rather bask in that very moment. By doing so, you start to rejuvenate yourself. If you work from home, this is even more vital to step away from your computer, your phone, etc. I do this at least a couple times a day if not more. I make myself my favorite tea and go on my front porch and just rock in my rocking chair. When you do go back to whatever it is that you are doing, you will find yourself  ready to take on any new challenges that might come your way. I find that I get even more creative after doing so. You are truly Amazing and you need to start treating yourself that way.

Develop a Personal Core Of Peace: 

Pray,  mediate, do breathing exercises, yoga or whatever it is that helps you to get to that peaceful place inside of you.  Journaling, along with some of the other things I suggest here brings clarity and focus…not to mention a very real peacefulness. I do all of these except for yoga everyday. When my day starts to slip away from me & get a bit overwhelming, I usually realize that I am missing not doing one or more of these and I immediately take the time to do so. Consider it your compass, and it will help you get to where you want to go without getting lost.

Be Present: 

One of the ways of continually filling yourself up is to ‘Live in the Now’! When you live in the present, you are not worrying about what you can’t  change about the past and you’re not preoccupied with the future. By living in the moment, you tend to make better decisions as your focus is on the present. It’s not to say, with having a busy life, that you don’t look ahead to your child’s soccer practice or what to make for dinner…what you can do is take time out of your day to devote a few minutes to going over your family’s schedule on a calendar and perhaps writing out a list of the things that are a priority. But always being preoccupied with all the things that you need to do, just makes for you to feel even more overwhelmed.

Practice Gratitude:  

Every morning as I go out on my porch and sip my coffee, I also have a BIG heaping of gratitude. If you can get grateful even when there is adversity in your life…now that is when life starts to take on new meaning. When my mother passed away a couple of years ago, we did not realize that from the time she was diagnosed with leukemia that she would be gone within 5 weeks or so. Just going with my gut, and canceling a trip to be able to fly and spend time with her gave me 4 of the 5 weeks to be with her. I had flown home after 2 weeks and then had to fly back a week later, but during those final 2 weeks, I remember feeling grateful that I did not miss those weeks with her. I also, remember walking down the hall of the hospital as I stayed there 24/7 and helped take care of her for the reminder of her time, I would say to myself, “Don’t live with any regret.” Being present and grateful actually made that time not only bearable, but even beautiful and at times full of laughter. We celebrated who she was as well as her life. And now I have a constant reminder of the value of gratitude in every moment of my life! 

Here are some daily exercises that you can do to truly start loving yourself unconditionally today!

* Look at yourself in the eyes in a mirror

* Continue to have eye contact with yourself                    

* Repeat: “I love you very much {your 1st name}, you are perfect just the way you are.”

* When you are having a bit of a challenging day, look at yourself in the mirror and ask, “How you doing, sweetie?”

I know some of you reading this are probably thinking, some people think loving yourself is vain, and I don’t want people to think that of me. But it really isn’t, as you are a person that has self worth. You need to start treating yourself with love and respect. When you do this, you will start to automatically find things to love and respect about yourself even more. During your day, say to yourself, “I love and accept myself,” and this phrase will continue to reinforce your self-worth! 

So, what does this have to do with my relationship with my partner or with my children, etc? It has EVERYTHING to do with it!!! If you don’t love yourself, how are you going to believe that someone can truly love you. I know in my past relationships and even in my first marriage, I couldn’t understand how the other person could possibly love me…it’s sad, but true! It wasn’t until I truly embraced who I really was and loved myself…that I finally believed that somebody could really truly love me. Now, when my amazing husband tells me he loves me…I believe him! 

Life is meant to be lived passionately, to really embrace it! The 1st step in doing so is to really embrace who you are…the Magnificent person that you truly are. I believe in you and I am rooting for you. 

If you are a wife, mom and entrepreneur, than let’s face it, you may be more motivated by practical things like “more money” than more sex. One of these elements seems utterly more useful in our quest of running a smooth home, right?

I mean, sure hubby may think of sex more than I do, but how will more sex help pay the bills and grow our income? In fact, I’ve had plenty of women tell me they are so stressed about money that it’s killing their sex drive.  They ask,

“How can I have great sex when I’m feeling financially strapped?”

Well, if you’ve ever wondered this, take heart!

The better question to ask might be, “How could I feel financially strapped, when we have such great sex?!”

No, I’m serious! And I have proof.

First put your hand on your chest, rub it all around, and repeat after me:

“My sexual energy flows freely throughout my body, invigorating me, bringing passion to my marriage and inspiring creative solutions!”

Ok. I know you didn’t do it, cause you don’t believe me yet. Hang with me, my sister, I’m in your corner.

1. More and Better Sex Makes You Feel Richer

It’s true. In a popular study from Dartmouth University, 16,000 people were polled about their happiness levels in relation to their love lives. It was apparent that sex, more than money leads to the most happiness. In fact, the conclusion was that if couples increase their lovemaking from 1x per month, for example, to 1x per week, the resulting happiness was equal to what they would feel with a $50,000 per year raise. 

Now you tell me how differently you would act financially if you had $50,000 more dollars. You would probably attract more and more money, just by letting go of your fear and acting with love and confidence.

2.  True Love with Great Sex Raises Your Self-Esteem & Creativity

Obviously I’m not talking about begrudging, mercy sex here. Lord have mercy, that can be harder on one’s ego than no sex at all. I’m talking about the reason they call it “making love.” This is the erotic pleasure that is given and received as an expression of the commitment, passion and friendship you share with that guy that stood at the altar with you. Of course you may not be “feeling it,” before you begin – but opening your self to such joy makes both of you feel better about yourselves.  Not only that, but those delightful orgasms flood your bodies with oxytocin, the bonding hormone. You literally feel closer to your mate, richer, sexier and more valuable.

When you feel good about yourself, you command more money. It’s simple. Money is an exchange of value. I could preach a whole article just on this idea, but let it sink in a while. We earn within a few thousand dollars, what we feel we are worth.

I will add here that after struggling with low sex drive for several years in our marriage, I was able to turn it around one night. The result? Not just greater intimacy and more happiness in our marriage, but my husband immediately doubled his income. Sure, our husband’s self-esteem may be more closely related to his “home run ability” than ours is, but why not kick it up for his sake?

Are you kidding? To help him increase his income, I can stop nagging and start loving? Oooh, yeah, baby. As an added bonus – it feels great. What’s not to love about all this? The greater the sense of abandon within the freedom of marriage, the greater the confidence, creativity and channeling of a man’s ability to provide.

In the classic, Think and Grow Rich, Napolean Hill noted that almost all 500 of the wealthiest men he interviewed were motivated by the love of a woman. It was that love that raised them up to demonstrate genius in the marketplace. In his words, “The emotions of love, sex and romance are sides of the eternal triangle of achievement-building genius. Nature creates genii through no other force.”

He also described how few men really achieve this true success because they fail to properly channel their sex drive.

As wives, moms and businesswomen, there is no power greater for up-leveling our game than a sizzling, sacred sex life. Your erotic energy is part of your God-given design. Fruitfulness flows from it, when it’s celebrated as in the Garden of Eden.

3. Great Sex Reduces Stress and Makes You Healthier

Tons of research has shown that sex that is celebrated (not forced or fought over) actually reduces stress for the lovers. Plenty of other research suggests that up to 90% of all sickness and disease has its roots in stress.

Your body was not made to produce adrenaline and the fight or flight (or freeze) syndrome every day. Stress is a physical and emotional problem. But think about it: Great Sex is a physical and emotional solution.

What does it take to enjoy Great Sex? A few things including:

• The chance to slow down and get in touch with your senses.
• The chance to feel good about yourself. The more loving and accepting you are of your own naked (literally and figuratively) self, the better the lovemaking.
• The chance to feel good about your mate. It’s always healthy to focus on what is good instead of annoying about that dear spouse. For the best sex, we tend to do just that.

Those mindsets alone reduce stress, but then the emotional bonding, the sensations of pleasure, the contractions from the orgasms, all lead to better well being and stress-relief as well.

In conclusion, no matter how your sex life has gone up till now, you can always turn it around or turn it up and reap huge benefits.

I know what it’s like to struggle, which is one reason I’m so passionate about helping others.  Right now as you take in a deep breath, I’ll say it with you,

“My sexual energy flows freely and abundantly, enriching my marriage, boosting my self-esteem and unleashing creative solutions where I need them.”

You can do this!

I believe in you.

Gina Parris

PS..I created a program just for you…called the Sexy Marriage Solution…click on this link for more information: Sexy Marriage Solution

Relationships are a place that we go to give and share.  It is so important that you inspire your child  to fill themselves up with all the goodies:  like love, respect, trust, patience & forgiveness and more, so that they can give and share themselves with others.  If they aren’t continually giving themselves these things, they won’t be able to give these to others on a consistent basis.  You might be reading this and saying, but they are only a child.  By starting at a young age, you are helping them to believe that they are more then enough, before limiting beliefs of their self worth start creeping in.  You are also teaching them to recognize that they are already Shining in different ways!

I recently watched the movie, “The Help.” Actually, I watched it a couple of times, as I really loved it!  I don’t know if you saw it, but in the movie there was a woman named Aibileen who is a maid, a wise, regal woman raising her 17th  child.  She is devoted to the little girl she looks after, though she knows both their hearts may be broken.  She says to the little girl on a regular basis, “You is Kind, You is Smart, You is important!” The little girl continually repeats it back to her.  Near the end of the movie the little girl could recite what she had told her all by herself.  How beautiful is that, for your child to continually hear things like this?  Children are like sponges, and soak up everything that we do and say.

Make up or use affirmations that your child can easily say and start to remember.  By introducing your child to affirmations, it will help them to feel that they are Enough!  Personalize them for each of your children depending on their age, their level of vocabulary and their unique qualities.  Here are some:

I love myself.

I am happy.

I am filled with joy.

I am kind.

I am smart.

I am important.

I am loving and share myself with others.

I am loveable.

I am blessed.

God loves me and I love him.

I am safe.

I love my mom, my dad, my sisters, brothers, etc. {tailor it to them}

I am grateful for _____. {Each day have them name something different}

I can do ______. {If they are learning to tie their shoes, etc. have them repeat, this one}

I am kind to others and they are kind to me.

I am helpful.

I am a good listener.

I am a sharing girl/boy.

I play well with others.

I love eating things that are good for me.

I love my body.

Write each one out on an index card, get the bigger ones.  Write in black magic marker large enough for them to see.  Make a game out of it every morning, by turning them over so that they can’t see which one they are choosing. Then have them say that one and give them examples of how they can be more like that.  As they get older ask them how they can be that way more so.  At the end of the day, before they go to bed, ask them how they were like that in their day.  If the affirmation that they chose was, “I am kind to others and they are kind to me.”  Ask them for examples of this.

If your child is old enough to write them by themselves, have them do so. For a teenager, do yours with them.  That will encourage them to see that you are doing it as well.  It is so important for not only your child or teen to use affirmations and to get into the feeling each of them, but also for you to reaffirm to them the affirmations.  For example, if your child affirms they are kind, look for ways that you see that they are being kind and praise them for it.

In the final analysis it is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings. ~ Ann Landers

One of the biggest fears of human beings is feeling like they are not enough.  Most of us, have experienced for the first time as a child and at different times in our lives.  I remember working really hard for a B+ in Chemistry in high school and my father said, well maybe next time you will get an A.  I felt like I was not enough and went through that during different intervals in my life.  It wasn’t until I realized that I am more then enough over the past decade or so.  The more a child gives themselves love, compassion, patience and forgiveness that they need and deserve, the more they will grow up to feel like they are enough.  It is so important for them to go to the different kinds of relationships in their life being able to give of themselves.  This alleviates, finding themselves in a relationship where they are always feeling empty or not worthy of the other person.  When grow to be their own support system, they won’t have to go to a relationship being needy and a taker.

Not only, is it great to have your child do affirmations, it is important for them to have gratitude.  If you drive your kids to daycare or to school, play a game in the car where everyone takes a turn and says what they are grateful for.  Also, setting an example for them in saying: please, thank you and I am sorry is so vital.  Children are like sponges and soak up everything that we do and say.  Whatever you are teaching your child, you & your spouse should be doing yourselves. How you treat yourself and others is equally as important.  You want to be kind and compassionate to others.  Also, making yourself  a priority rather then an option, sends your child a strong message, that in order to give and share with others, we must first take care of ourselves.  As your child sees you doing so they will be inclined to do the same.  Think of it in this way, whatever you do is going to be modeled!

via 40+ and Fabulous

Most of all, make sure your child is hearing your loving voice. Make them feel that they are special, that you value them. Let them know in your actions, that they are significant in your life. Enjoy them, love them and help them to grow and be the ‘BEST’ that they can be! Trust me, they grow up very quickly. Don’t be afraid to tell your child that you were wrong about something. Letting them know that you aren’t perfect, helps them to realize that they don’t have to be, as well.